More Editing and researching

I am glad/sad to have this experience of re-experiencing my 20 year sojourn with these illustrations and poems. I just thought about it, I began illustrating the books' 21 images starting in 1989 during an art class at City College of San Francisco. My expectional instructor Ms. Verity Dierauf certainly had a way with connecting her students to their spirit. I had no idea that these illustrations would fit into a book one day and accent the poems that I began writing in 1993.

I began writing about my feelings in the form of poetry and journal writing for the first time in 1993 after a dangerous and almost deadly experience in my life. I lost my voice. I could not speak. All, I could do is yell, cry all day, and attack my humanity. It made me so sick inside, so much so that my body seriously deteriorated. It was scary, to remember delayed memories of my cruel childhood - -it is scary to remember what I had allowed to transpire in my confusing life, just because I did not know any better. I wondered what I had missed out on and wanted to seek a deeper humanity and understanding within my being. I know I had been told a multitude of lies and half truths. I needed to explore beyond the visual. I had to act--it was an urgent need. I began my quest for truth, seeking within my dreams, healing sessions, meditation visions, spiritual teachings from many religions and new thought practices, classes, retreats, and workshops.

Writing the poems and thoughts for this book flowed like water and at times were very very hard. I really did not enjoy the delayed memories that kept my mind stuck in hurtful places of which I experienced in my past. The renewed emotions of sadness were unbearable yet the poems about love were very uplifting and joyous. I had to put the words and images down for a while and come back to them again. At times I became obsessed at --it was wild. I fought with my demons and had yelling matches with God/Goddess and forgot to eat and exercise: No wonder "some" writers who write about their intense lives tend loose-it along the way and then find themselves stronger in the end. It is a life changing experience to write from a soul place and then allow others to review, edit, critique the work so that I might become a better poetess/writer.

I a long ways to go, I still need to take a writer's class at some point. However, I feel good about what I have accomplished which came from my soul and life's experiences.

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